


Read Me

by ChaseFan217



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Language Use, Drabbles, Evil, For Me, Humor, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-13
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-02-25 07:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2612762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaseFan217/pseuds/ChaseFan217
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deadpool: Go on ahead... Read me, find out what's inside.</p><p>Screwball: Join ussss.</p><p>Squiggles: Why am I named squiggles? </p><p>Deadpool: Because in our awesome video game those were the things that were associated with you guys, but that's beside the point. Go on ahead reader, crack us open. </p><p>Screwball: Ah damn, I can't think of any funny sexual innuendos.</p><p>Squiggles: Ignore the stupid one and just go ahead and read us.</p><p>Deadpool and Screwball: Which stupid one?</p><p>Squiggles sighs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Get Outta My Head!

Hah! Got'cha this isn't a story about me, Deadpool! This is just the author being a dick!

 

_Haha! He's such a douche!_

 

**He's a she moron.**

 

_Oh yeah~. Haha! She's such a douche!_

 

**Your ignorance is astounding.**

 

Yeah, yeah. Whatever. The point is that... What is the point again?

 

That we fooled the reader Deadpool.

 

Hey! The author can't write themselves into a fic!

 

**Well she is the creator of it so~ she can do whatever she wants.**

 

_You're only saying that because she typed it._

 

**Yes. Yes I am.**

 

Yep .

 

Alright, enough of this. I think the reader's got the point.

 

Hmm.  **Hmm.**

 

_Uh-huh._

 

Okay then. Bye reader. *Waves*

 

 _Bye!_   **Buh-bye.**  Bye guys!

 

Okay now that that's out of our system... *Walks away into the sunset leaving the author staring at her laptop screen*

 

...

 

**...**

 

_..._

 

What did I just write?


	2. Writer's Block

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chasey-kins has writer's block. We help her brainstorm.
> 
> ChaseFan217: Deadpool~! Are you on my laptop?
> 
> Shh.

Y'know something Deadpool?

 

No. What?

 

Writer's block is the worst feeling in the world.

 

Not true Chase. 

 

**He's is right, there are lots of things that are worse than writer's block.**

 

_Yeah, like getting your handsome face blown off by a shotgun._

 

Yeah, like getting our handsome face blown off by a shotgun.

 

...

 

COULD YOU GUYS JUST PRETEND TO FEEL MY PAIN?!

 

NO, WE CANNOT! YOUR PAIN IS STUPID!!!

 

_LOUD NOISES!!!!_

 

**STOP YELLING!!!**

 

*Sighs* Fine, you're right. Writer's block is not the worst feeling in the world.

 

Thank you. Now, when are you actually gonna write a real story about us?

 

...

 

Us?

 

Yes-

 

 _Us!_   **Us!**

 

No thank you! I'm not writing a fic with all you guys in it!

 

Why not?

 

**Yeah, I thought we were cool.**

 

_Yeah!_

 

**Quiet you.**

 

_Bite me!_

 

Shush, the both of you. I think our writer has something to say. *looks at writer*... Well~?

 

*fidgets* Well, I have been thinking about writing a Deadpool fic, a real one not these *gestures all around* ...things. It wouldn't have Screwball and Squiggles in it. I don't think people are all that crazy about hearing us argue.

 

HAH! What gave you that idea? The fact that this story's ratio of kudos is 1 out of every 10 views?

 

_Why don't people like us?_

 

**Because we're crazy homicidal maniacs that kill for money**

 

 

_Oh yeah~. Heheh, I love our job._

 

REFORMED! 

 

**Yeah, quit lying to yourself.**

 

_Is it yourself or ourselves?_

 

Who cares? Now about this other story. Hmm... What's it about anyway? I mean us obviously, but what's the main plot?

 

Well, you're gonna be a kid again. Something happens that causes you to reverse age and Spidey has to take care of you.

 

Hahahahaha!

 

_Hahahahaha!_

 

**Hahahahaha!**

 

What a stup-

 

*gives puppy eyes*

 

Pendous idea! Right guys?

 

_Hahahahaha! I can't, I can't, I can't- Hahahahaha!_

 

**Duh...**

 

_I can't breathe! Hahahahaha!_

 

Okay, okay I get it. So, that's a no then.

 

Yeah~, sorry. No me gusta.

 

**Sorry.**

 

_Hahahahaha!_

 

**Would you shut up?!**

 

 _I can't, I can't-_ **SHUT UP!!!**

 

_..._

 

**...**

 

Ya done?

 

 _Yes._   **Yes.**

 

Okay... So then, what should I write?

 

How about a sweet little fic about us saving Spidey's cute, tight, nice little-

 

Moving on!

 

You could bounce a quarter off of it.

 

_Sha-wing!_

 

**Boing!**

 

Ta-dah!

 

MOVING ON!

 

Oh, come on Chasey-kins, have a little fun!

 

Aren't you married to Shiklah?

 

Pfft! Yeah, but this is a fanfiction website. Anything goes! And boy do I mean anything!

 

_Spideypool!_

 

**Omega-verse.**

 

Us having girlie bits.

 

_Spidey having girlie bits!_

 

**Threeways.**

 

I get it.

 

Us being a regular Casanova.

 

_Us being little whores!_

 

**We'll do anything for money.**

 

And boy do we mean anything.

 

Fuck my life! Just shut up already!!!

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ChaseFan217: *sigh* It's happening again. All I wanna do is finish up Submissive and Feisty!
> 
> Deadpool: Yeeaaahhhh... About that, why do you care so much about those Capcom losers anyway?
> 
> Dante: I'm right here moron.
> 
> Deadpool: Oh hey~! I didn't see you there buddy~. So, how are you taking it now that the fans are making your piece of tail have sex with your older, stronger, cuter big brother?
> 
> Dante: *glares* This is the reason you don't have friends Deadpool.
> 
> Deadpool: Yeah? What's your excuse?
> 
> Dante: Why you little-
> 
> ChaseFan217: Bye guys.


	3. We're So Fancy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iggy Azalea is in our head.

We're so fancy~! You already know! We're in the fast lane, from L.A. to Tokyo. We're so fancy~! Can't you taste this gold? Remember our name, 'Bout to blow~!

 

 _Trash the hotel, l_ _et's get drunk on the mini bar._ _Make the phone call._ _Feels so good getting what we want._ _Yeah, keep on turning it up._ _Chandelier swinging, we don't give a fuck._ _Film star, yeah I'm deluxe. Classic_ _, expensive, you don't get to touch._ _Ow..._

 

**Who that, who that, W-A-D-E That do that, do that, W-W-A-D-E. Who that, who that, W-A-D-E. Blow~.**

 

First thing's first, we're the realest (sort of). Drop this and let the whole world feel it _(let them feel it)._  And I'm still in the Murda [Bizness](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/iggyazalea/fancy.html#). I could hold you down, like I'm givin' lessons in physics **(right, right).**  You should want a bad bitch like this (huh? wait. what? bitch?). Drop it low and pick it up just like this _(yeah)._  Cup of Ace, cup of Goose, cup of Cris. High heels, somethin' worth a half a [ticket](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/iggyazalea/fancy.html#) on our wrist **(on our wrist).**  Takin' all the liquor straight, never chase that (never). Rooftop like we [bringin](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/iggyazalea/fancy.html#)' '88 back _(what? you weren't even alive in '88)._  Bring the hooks in, where the bass at?. Champagne spillin', you should taste that. **(okay this is getting weird)**

 

We're so fancy~! You already know! We're in the fast lane, from L.A. to Tokyo. We're so fancy~! Can't you taste this gold? Remember our name, 'Bout to blow~!

 

Wait. Why are we singing this?

 

It was stuck in our head remember?

 

_And we are fancy. It's like a song dedicated to us~!_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving everyone.


	4. Happy Holidays From Deadpool & Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yay Holidays!

Yay! I'm finally done with Submissive and Feisty!

 

That's great Chase! Now, when are you gonna write us a Deadpool fic?

 

I'm writing one right now.

 

Really?! What is it?

 

_Yeah! Tell us! C'mon, tell us!_

 

**You've piqued my curiosity.**

 

I'm writing it right now. Literally. This is it.

 

_D'aww poo._

 

You really suck y'know that?

 

**I hate to agree with them but...**

 

_Haha! You said butt._

 

...Yeah, I'm never writing a real life, honest to goodness, fanfic about you guys.

 

Yeah, she's too busy ogling that Supernatural show and fanfic right now. Stupid Supernatural, with their Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins. What the hell kind of a name is "Misha" for a guy anyway?!

 

Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Hey! Don't forget the thing. Ready? And...

 

 **_ Happy Holidays from us to you! _ ** __

 

And a happy New Year.

 


	5. Long Time, No See Chasey-kins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff's happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool: CHASEY-KINS~!!! Where the h, e, double hockeysticks have you been? We didn't do anything for the New Year together you jerk!
> 
> ChaseFan217: Yeah, sorry about that DP. I've been a bit... preoccupied lately. But I'm back now. 
> 
> Deadpool: Good. Don't ever leave me like that again okay? I was about ready to visit you in your dreams, and we both know how that would've turned out.
> 
> ChaseFan217: *shudders* Yeah. I know.

So Chasey-poo, how do you come up with such riveting dialogue for us?

 

Well Deadpool, it usually starts when I'm sleep deprived or have issues writing a different fic.

 

**So why are you writing us now?**

 

_Yeah. Do you have writer's block again or something?_

 

Nah, nothing like that. I've actually got a pretty good flow going with the one I'm writing right now, believe it or not.

 

**Not.**

 

_Not._

 

Hmm, I'mma gonna go with... not. 

 

Was that supposed to be an italian accent?

 

...

 

**...**

 

_..._

 

NO! You racist bastard.

 

_She's a girl remember?_

 

**I'm surprised _you_ remember.**

 

*pats Screwball on the head* Actually little guy, I finally came out to my family about that. They may not address me with male pronouns yet, but I'd really like if you did.

 

_Oh, okay._

 

***mock salutes* Yessir.**

 

Congratulations Chasey-baby.

 

*Smirks* Thanks DP. I really appreciate that. Thank you.

 

So, how are your other characters taking it?

 

Well, my vampire babies said that I couldn't live vicariously through my fics and short stories forever, they pretty much knew from day one, and the others don't seem to care.

 

Ahh, okay. And the family? How'd they take it?

 

**Wade~.**

 

_Dude!_

 

What?

 

It's okay guys! They took it surprisingly well actually. So did some of my friends; and by some, I mean the ones I told.

 

You haven't told everyone?

 

No. I know they'll take it well though. I have another friend who is also in the same boat as I am. Only she's a boy who wants to be a girl and she's very... What's the word? Forthcoming? About herself.

 

I'm proud of you Chase.

 

**Me too, kid.**

 

_I'm proud too. And happy! And kinda nervous! I've heard how hard it can be for trans people..._

 

I'll be okay dude. My family and friends accept me and that's all that matters right now. The rest of the world can go suck it.

 

THAT'S MY BOY!!! *Grabs Chase in a headlock and gives him a noogie*

 

_Noogie, noogie, noogie, noogie, noogie!_

 

Ugh! Stop! Ow! Hey! Knock it off!

 

**Noogie, noogie, noogie, noogie, noogie!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ChaseFan217: Enough with the noogies already! You're making my head hurt.
> 
> Deadpool: Yeah? Then I think you need to seek professional help. We're imaginary kid.
> 
> Screwball: Doesn't your new fic have something to do with a mental asylum?
> 
> Squiggles: What? How do you know that?
> 
> Screwball: Because I pay attention to what he does.
> 
> ChaseFan217: Screwy here is the only one that pays attention to me when I'm freaking out on an emotional level about a fic.
> 
> Squiggles: Emotions are dumb and should be hated.
> 
> Deadpool: Hey! I was gonna say that!
> 
> ChaseFan217: *sigh*


	6. Goodbye, Deadpool!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool #250 (aka #45)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ChaseFan217: Deadpool, I'm... I'm so sorry.
> 
> Deadpool: Why? Whadid'cha do?
> 
> ChaseFan: Wha? Uh! You don't know what's happening?
> 
> Deadpool: Uh... Is it my birthday? Anniversary? 
> 
> ChaseFan217: .....

Deadpool! They're killing you off in April!

 

Pfft! What? Who's killing me off?

 

Your writers.

 

**Snap!**

 

_Oh $#@%!!!_

 

Why? I mean, we had a pretty good run last year: video game, got married and found out I had a long lost daughter, movie confirmation with Ryan to play as me. The list goes on and on.

 

Apparently all good things must come to an end I guess... They did the same thing with Wolverine by killing him off. It sold a lot of comics too.

 

I'M NOT FRIGGIN WOLVERINE! I'm your friendly neighborhood regenerating degenerate! The lovable Merc With A Mouth! I have a healing factor that puts Wolvie's to shame!

 

Yeah, but they took the healing factor away from everyone remember?

 

**Oops, I forgot about that.**

 

_Yeah, me too._

 

It's your job to remember these things guys! 

 

_We did make fun of Wolverine when he died... Remember?_

 

***chuckles* Good times. Good times...**

 

Whoa so... I'm really gonna die this time..?

 

... I'm sorry DP, I... I'm so sorry.

 

This... is... AWESOME!

 

**What?**   _What?_

 

Yeah, I'm with them. What?

 

Look kid, when you've lived what I've lived through you pray for mercy. And sometimes that mercy comes in the form of a mercy killing.

 

Yeah bu-

 

Ah! *holds up hand* I'm not finished. You've always known I've wanted to die since I got out of the Weapon X Program. I've lived a decent life, but it's over now... It's finally over... And I'm okay with that. 'M not... happy, but I'm not sad either. I- I don't know what I am. I don't know how I feel. I guess I feel like how I did when they told me I had brain cancer, only this time not all angsty about it. I'm resigned, I guess.

 

Well I'm not! That can't just do something like that!

 

They can, and they have already.

 

_I think I'm feeling happy..._

 

**Yeah... Me too. It was scary at first but now...**

 

_Not so much._

 

**Yeah.**

 

GRRAAAHHHH!!! SO THAT'S IT?! You're just gonna roll over, like some damned train dog, and let them kill you? What the hell?! Wade you can't-

 

Chase.

 

You can't die. You can't let them kill you off.

 

_...Chase._

 

You can't die Wade!

 

**Chase!**

 

...I don't want you to die...

 

Oh Chasey-kins. Everyone has to die eventually.

 

Well I know that, but-

 

No buts.

 

_Hehehe. Butts._

 

**Seriously? How immature can you be? Can't you see Chase is on the verge of a panic attack and practically in tears?**

 

...I wouldn't say practically in tears, but I am freaking out a little bit.

 

That's code for: he cried manly tears last night when he heard the news, and he is currently having anxiety attacks like he used to when he was in school.

 

WADE! Not cool.

 

Chase, I'm sorry. I really am. But can't you at least try 'n' be happy for me? I get to be with my lady Death now! Yay! Right?

 

...

 

Aww, c'mon.

 

...

 

Chase?

 

If you're gonna be like that, fine! Yippee for you.

 

_Chase, please don't be mad._

 

I'm not mad, I'm hurt. You guys mean a lot to me and you're acting like this is nothing. You're gonna die! ...Only you're not gonna come back this time.

 

**There will always be revamps, Chase. And we always have our fanfiction.**

 

I just don't know what I'm gonna do. No matter what happened to you, no matter how hard you got beat down, not matter how mean people were to you, you never gave up. That was your best quality. That's what I admired most about you. I mean, you're my hero DP. I've always looked up to you. As someone who's the screwup in their family I could relate to you. No matter how sad or bad things got for me, you were always there... ready to cheer me after a bad day. And now... Now you're not gonna be. And I don't know what to do.

 

...If I may Chase?

 

Yeah?

 

If you ever feel lost and don't know what to do, write fanfiction about me. 

 

Oh you jackass!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ChaseFan217: So this is really the end then isn't it?
> 
> Deadpool: Yep.
> 
> ChaseFan217: I'm gonna miss you. All of you.
> 
> Screwball: Don't say that like you'll never see us again.
> 
> Squiggles: We still have our old comics.
> 
> Deadpool: And our movie will be out in the next year or two!
> 
> ChaseFan217: Yeah, I guess... Goodbye, Deadpool.

**Author's Note:**

> ChaseFan217: I had to get this out of me. Wade popped up on me one day and slapped me in the head then said, "Do it! It'll be funny".
> 
> Deadpool: HAH! Yeah I did. Boy you shoulda seen the stupid look on your face. Don't worry, this isn't the end of us y'know? We'll be back.
> 
> ChaseFan217: Gulp!
> 
> Deadpool: Did you seriously just say gulp?
> 
> ChaseFan217: Yeah.


End file.
